I've considered it before, but now it's official.Thanks to everyone who read along for the last two-plus years and especially to the Chris Triumvirate: Chris Holly, Chris Sims, and Chris Giarrusso.

That said, I'm not done blogging. I just am having trouble staying on topic and have been for the better part of the last year. You can still go to www.JakeBell.com for a broader slice of my life and to keep up on my exploits in the publishing world.

Off Topic: Fantasizing About an Early Curtain

I spent this weekend in Las Vegas for a friend's bachelor party. There were some highlights, like the Mac King Show, which is already the best show on the strip for $25 but only cost us $10 apiece (including a drink) thanks to a coupon being handed out on the sidewalk outside Harrah's.

There were frustrations, like the rash of upsets in college basketball and the Knicks' improbable victory in Milwaukee killing all my sports bets or one of the wedding party members spending more money than I made in the past four months to take a stripper to the champagne room at Scores. He admitted to spending $3000--but we guess it was closer to five grand--and didn't even get to third base. As another of our cohorts growled, "All that money and all he has to show for it is a hangover."

I suggested to him that since I'd been laid off on Friday and that we'd had to pull my son out of school because we can't afford the tuition any longer, that if he'd be willing to pay the tuition for March through May, I would allow him to come over to my house, sit on the couch, and not have sex with my girlfriend for three hours. Hell, if he'd given me $3000, I could have bought him a $1000 hooker and a bottle of champagne from room service, and still had enough left to put my kid through school for the rest of the year.

But sadly the most memorable part of this trip will be the Luxor's topless revue, Fantasy.I've spent three days trying to think of something nice to say about the show, and the best I could come up with was: "Compared to what's happening in Darfur, it's not fair to call Fantasy an atrocity." The CIA should book the Fantasy Girls to play a week in Guantanamo Bay. The detainees would be begging for waterboarding within three days.

The supposed concept of Fantasy is that we all have fantasies and will see them become reality on stage. This, however, presumes everyone in the audience has the same fantasy of watching eight topless women get coked out of their brains and writhe around in their panties while doing absolutely nothing else, sexy or otherwise.

When I was in college, I dated a stripper who told me the worst part of her job was when a guy would buy time in the private room and go for the hour long package. Generally, within ten minutes she'd exhausted all her dance moves and the thrill of having a naked woman all to himself had worn off, leaving the customer fifty minutes to reflect on how wasteful he'd been with his money. Fantasy wastes no time in getting the boobies out for the paying public, losing the bras about five minutes into the opening number. However, after watching the same sixteen boobs bounce (or in many cases fail to bounce, being tightly packed so full of silicone they could likely be used to club small game to death and larger game into submission) gets dull fast. Unfortunately, while lowly hole-in-the-wall strip clubs have the common sense to rotate dancers on stage every two songs at most, big budget Vegas stage show Fantasy does not.

Shortly after the tops come off, we meet Stephanie Jordan, a singer with a powerful voice who serves as one of two emcees for the show. As you can see from the photo to the right, Stephanie's doing her best to blend in with the 20-to-early-30-something sorority on stage, but all the work she's had done below her neck can't overcome the fact her face appears to have been manufactured from the same leather they use for first baseman's gloves and stored inside a barbecue smoker.

Stephanie runs around the audience singing a song about "Goin' to Vegas" that brought to mind all those parts of "Bret Michaels Rock of Love" where he'd play some crappy song from his new solo album. The chorus was an embarrassing juxtaposition of Stephanie's powerful, overzealous, from the bottom of her lungs belting out "WE'RE GOIN' TO VEGAAAAAAAAAS!!! What are we doing?" followed by shoving the microphone into the face of some retired Iowa corn farmer who, startled, mumbles, "Koff... um, gointavegas?"

After that, the dancers come back out and the show's producers give us a glimpse of their creative process when they replace the "women writhing around on the floor in their panties" motif with "women writhing around on a couch in their panties." Part way through the awkward attempt to fit eight girls on one sofa and make it look somewhat erotic, a black guy comes prancing on the stage, staring lasciviously at the girls and looking out knowingly at the audience.

My first thought was that this was a daring choice for the second fantasy of the night, but considering the large number of interracial porn sites on the net, I couldn't argue that "swarthy Negro humps bevy of lithe white women" was a legitimate fantasy for a large number of Americans. I just thought it was a daring one to kick off the evening and expected "naughty librarian" or "confused virginal schoolgirl" or "bawdy pirate queen" to be more in the theme of the show.

The man, Sean Cooper, wasn't part of a porn fantasy at all. In fact, he was the star of the show. Let that sink in. When you go to see the show that plasters every flat surface of the Luxor with images like this:The majority of it actually features this douchebag:Sean is, according to his MySpace page, "a multi talented entertainer - Comedian Impressionist" who "incorporates his UNIQUE COMEDIC impressions of MANY of the Greatest Entertainers of all times! Cooper has been referred to as an 'Impressionist Extraordinaire'." To put that title into perspective, Cooper does impersonations of James Brown, Michael Jackson, and Elvis, putting him just a Nixon and a Casey Kasem away from the full gamut of "impressions everyone can do." He also does Sammy Davis Jr. and Tina Turner, both of which simply involve Sean talking through his nose, one while going cockeyed and saying, "cat" a lot, the other while wearing a fright wig and dress. (Videos of these impressions can be found at his MySpace page, but I couldn't embed them here.)

Cooper is a talented dancer, but somehow I think Danny Gans--who plays in the Danny Gans Theater at the Mirage, outside of which stands a marquee bearing his face that happens to be the largest freestanding marquee in the world--might find it a bit presumptuous for Coop to proclaim himself the "BEST COMEDIC IMPRESSIONIST VEGAS HAS TO OFFER!"

Sean also did a stand up routine that lasted seemingly seven hours, during which he simulated masturbation by holding the base of the microphone to his crotch with one hand and punched it with the other while squealing. The fact is wasn't funny the first time didn't stop him from repeating it seven or eight more times.

His cutting edge routine also involved singing "U Can't Touch This" with an Indian accent and observations on how black folks and white folks be different y'all. One was left to wonder, however, what his feelings about airline food are. As soon as he stepped on stage as Michael Jackson, performing "Smooth Criminal," the inevitable pedophilia joke hung like a cinderblock on a thread over the crowd.

Incidentally, between Stephanie and Sean I concluded that you can mathematically express how much fun a show is as an inverse proportion to the number of times the emcee/hypeman tells you how much fun you are having. People who are having fun do not need to be constantly reminded they are having fun.

The slapdash nature of the show seems as though the producers opened a trunk of costumes and planned around what they found inside. Cowgirl chaps? Let's have all the girls dance to "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." We just had the girls out dancing in their panties and hats... how about next we have them go out in panties and ties?

Ultimately, Fantasy's biggest problem is that it doesn't know what it wants to be, which seems ludicrous given the simple, straight forward nature of the concept. A topless show about fantasies coming true should not be that difficult, yet instead we're given bad impressions, unfunny stand up, uncomfortably force audience participation, and outright pandering. It's like ordering a 12-ounce steak dinner and having the waiter bring you a 3-ounce steak, half a tuna sandwich, some tapioca pudding, and a tube of toothpaste, then sing you a lullaby. Yet their constant reminders that we're going to see our fantasies come to life makes it out as though they are dictating to us what we should fantasize about.

At no point is that more blatant that when Sean pulls an audience member on stage to "make his Vegas fantasy come true." The guy--Jeff in our case--goes backstage and emerges a minute later in a big Elvis wig, gold cape, and huge sequined sunglasses to shake his hips to "Hound Dog." Sean celebrates the service they are doing Jeff by letting him live out his fantasy while Jeff politely plays along, punished for not simply saying, "No, thank you," when asked to come up on stage.

Jeff goes on to be a constant reference point throughout the show. Every time Stephanie comes on stage, she'll say some side comment to Jeff. Sean mentions that Jeff saw somethings backstage that will cause him to masturbate so furiously he'll use all the complimentary hand lotion provided by the hotel, demonstrating with another three or four illustrations of the phallic microphone punching technique. It doesn't take long to both feel sorry for Jeff and to feel relief that its him being picked on and not yourself. Need you guess who was the butt of the aforementioned inevitable Michael Jackson pedophile joke?

Fantasy also wants to be "naughty," but defines that term by some Midwestern, evangelical, middle-aged Bush-supporter standard. There is an undercurrent of social conservativism, such as Sean's constant attempts to reassure the audience that he's not gay and a joke about being kept away from the white women that just carries an overall tone of trying to prove he's one of the "good ones" as far as black people go that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. I can only imagine Wayne Brady and Bryant Gumbel shaking their heads sadly as they watch him, muttering "Uncle Tom" under their breath.

Also, if you're curious just how erotic the "most erotic show on the strip" is, there was one man who brought his Down's Syndrome son to the show. So it's erotic to a degree that you wouldn't have any qualms about exposing someone with the mentality of a four-year-old to it.

In short, Fantasy is one of the worst things I've ever seen at any price and when you consider Ryan dropped sixty bucks a ticket to get us in the door, it had to have been dollar-for-dollar the worst entertainment I've ever experienced.

Why Aren't You Listening to DJ Format?

If anything good came out of Tuesday's trip, I got to listen to a bunch of DJ Format on my Ipod. I first learned about Format when I saw the Furrie-inspired Jurassic 5 video for We Know Something You Don't Know
If you're unfamiliar with DJ Format (and Abdominal), take 15 minutes to be entertained.3-Feet Deep

The Hit Song

Vicious Battle Raps

Separated at Birth

Picture Book Samples

Since it raised some questions--and since I haven't set up the new writing blog yet--here are some pages from one of the picture books, illustrated by my brother from another mother, Chris Giarrusso.In case you didn't catch the theme, it's the story of a girl who doesn't like to take a bath.

Dark Day at Dark Horse

Remember when I said I couldn't tell you some of the things I wished I could talk about? Well, I can talk about at least one of them now. I didn't want to jinx anything, but it doesn't appear it would have mattered.

I spent yesterday in Portland interviewing for a marketing position at Dark Horse. I woke up at 5:20AM to catch a 7:30 flight that landed just before 10AM. My buddy Patrick drove me around downtown for a little while on our way to Milwaukie, the suburb where Dark Horse is based. We got lost in some of the construction, but got to the offices by 10:30.

There I met with the VP of Marketing. Her emails and phone calls leading up to my appearance and the fact the company was willing to fly me up for the interview had convinced me she was eager to meet me and that I was in serious consideration for an important, well paying position.

Judging from the structure of the last paragraph you can probably guess how the interview went.

As soon as I came through the door, it seemed everyone was just going through the motions of an obligatory process, as though they'd already decided to hire someone else, but had to at least give the guy with the MBA and the willingness to work well below MBA wages a look-see.

We went across the street and ate eggs and hash browns in a bar while she and the director of marketing carried on a conversation with one another, pausing occasionally only to ask me textbook interview questions like "what do you bring to the position that the other 150 candidates don't?", "describe a project for which you've been responsible that you are most proud of", and "where do you see yourself in five years?" By the end of my two hours at Dark Horse, I had been asked, "Do you have any questions for me?" at least a half dozen times. I felt like Cousin Oliver from the "Brady Bunch" who no one wants to play with but everyone has to hang out with.

I honestly felt guilty for wasting their time. It was clear they had better things to do that spend time chatting with me. "What questions do you have for me?" is to job interviews what "Well... I should let you get going..." is to phone calls. It's the polite way of saying, "This has gone on longer than I planned and I really don't have anything more to say to you so I'd like you to go away."

It was like a bad blind date. I can't help but recall a bad date I was on in 1997 where my date went on and on about the fried cheesesticks at T.G.I.Fridays and when the line, "Yeah... cheese is good..." was uttered, I knew the relationship was irrefutably doomed to go nowhere. Every time Anita said, "Well... do you have any questions for me?" all I heard was "Yeah... cheese is good..." Only instead just driving home when it was over, I had to sit in the Portland airport and wait while my flight was delayed for mechanical problems and ultimately canceled, forcing all of us onto another airline two hours later.

This afternoon, she called to tell me they were going to offer the position to someone else because they know I want to be a writer and they fear some of my side projects could cause a conflict of interest. My buddy Patrick, who pulled some important strings for me up there, suspects they also didn't want to worry about relocating me. Furthermore, if I'd moved up now, Theresa and the kids would have to stay here until the end of the school year, so I think they were nervous that after a couple months I would get homesick and come running back to Phoenix.

Admittedly, the thought had crossed my mind...

Anyway, I love the hell out of Patrick for at least getting me up there. I just wish I could have spent more time in the city. I wouldn't be as disappointed about not getting the job if I could have caught a Blazers game or hit some of the hipster bars downtown.

Guy Incognito

Holy shit. With the exception of my in depth panning of "Demon in the Bottle," I haven't written about comics in any depth in about five months. To be honest, now that I work in comics it's kind of hard to motivate myself to come home and write about comics at the end of the day. Someone wise once said, "Find something you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life." What that wise ass failed to realize is making the thing you love into your job will only lead you to hate whatever it was you once loved.

What I'm really finding myself up against is that I can't share with you any of the things I want to for many reasons. The purpose of blogging, in large part, is to share your opinions and get things off your chest. If no one reads them, you still got them out instead of bottling them up. However, once you have regular readers and Google starts sending searchers to your site on a regular basis, you have to be careful. I could fill pages with some of the idiocy I deal with every day, but since my coworkers know about this blog, I have to keep it to myself. This week I'm meeting with two different major publishers for two different reasons, but don't want to risk revealing anything before they make their decisions.

And I now have four children's books our for solicitation, but am thinking I need to separate that discussion from this so Google doesn't associate my kids' books with lines like:

• "He returns to Earth to finally earn the right to go balls deep into his cousin's snatch."
• "I guess when your erect penis is capable of smashing a steel-reinforced concrete bomb shelter to rubble, you don't feel the need to be subtle with the ladies."
• "This is why I would make a lousy Superman. In this situation, I would politely inform the kid that... I could fuck his mother at any time of day or night and even if his father knew when I was going to do it, there's nothing he, the police, or any force on Earth could do to stop me."
• "Clearly, the artist drew this so readers could admire the heroine's tight, hairless, adolescent vulva, but the colorist is trying to convince us it's just part of the costume."

So, I'm in a state of confusion. I'm going to set up a blog at JakeBell.com for writing related and "appropriate" content, but think I need to create a new "ranting" blog under a pseudonym, something I'd prided myself for a long time on not using.

What is the Future of the Industry? Let's Look to the Past!

Issues have been raised that weren't entirely where I was wanting to go with this, but I think it will be fun to broaden the scope. I'm going to try and incorporate them as best as I can, but first I should clear up what I was hoping to work through. By talking it out, I'm trying to pierce the veils of time and see where the comic book industry is heading. As Prankster pointed out, the comic industry (like most) is cyclical, so to fully make my point I think a quick summation of the history of comic book publishing is necessary. (I'll try to make it as brief as possible.) This is how I know it to be, so if I'm completely off base please correct me.

When comic books made their mark in the 1930s and '40s, they resided next to newspapers and magazines on the newsstand and were treated as such. When the issues that remained on the newsstand reached their cover date, they were stripped and thrown away. For those that were purchased, after they had been enjoyed, they were usually discarded.

Comics weren't solely the realm of super-heroes. Genres such as romance, sci-fi, horror, western, war and even literary adaptations have always existed, but super-heroes were rather unique to the medium and quickly outsold everything else. Since every business is about copying whatever is successful, of course comic publishers exploited the super-hero, and it became the industry staple.

At this time most comics existed as anthologies, telling multiple short, self-contained stories. If a character garnered enough attention, such as Superman or Batman, they would receive their own title. Still, primarily the stories were told within a single issue. The success of comics could be attributed as much to the lack of competing entertainment mediums as to the accessibility of any given issue. At the time, everybody read the newspaper, listened to the radio, went to the movies and bought comics.

By the 1950s comics were competing with two new markets: the recording industry with the advent of rock-and-roll and the sales of records, and the introduction of television to the American household. The characters who had held sway for the last twenty years were starting to lose their grip.

In the early '60s, a new crop of characters gave a new generation a reason to go back to the newsstand. Still, stories were told in one issue so readers could pick-up whichever random issues they might run into without feeling as though they'd missed something.

Then in the 1970s things began to change. Suddenly the stories became serialized adventures. To find out what happened, you had to keep reading every issue. Specialty shops began to open to cater to the fans who couldn't find issues at the convenience store or grocery store's limited comic shelf.

By the '80s, comic book shops had taken over completely as the place to buy your comics, and every title was like a continuing soap opera. Special distributors arose to get the product to the retailers, and to give them access to a rising niche, the independent (or underground) comic. People began to hear that, because of fans willingness to read every adventure of their favorite character, and because of the scarcity of earlier comics that had mostly been thrown away after being read, older comics were becoming valuable. At the same time companies started to cash in by reprinting older material in trade paperbacks.

The 1990s saw an explosion of comic book stores, smaller publishing companies and print-runs at the larger companies grew to tremendous numbers as speculators hoped to cash in on the newly discovered collectible nature of comic books as reported by national news sources with the likes of the death of Superman. Unfortunately people wanted an immediate return on their "investments" and flooded the secondary market with their unwanted comics. This, along with a confluence of other factors, led to a collapse in the industry. Smaller companies folded, many shops closed, and the outside world began to completely ignore the comic industry.

This didn't last long, as the turn of the century brought with it an onslaught of comic-based movies. For the most part, unfortunately, this didn't translate to sales increases for the comics that originated the characters. Independent comic publishers sprung-up and disappeared on an annual basis as it became easier for artists to self-publish, but didn't guarantee them attention, shelf-space, or sales. Trade paperbacks took a larger foothold in specialty shops, and helped comics make a return to mainstream bookstores, since the format meant a fuller story, a larger price tag, and a longer shelf-life with new printings whenever necessary. (I'm going to go into more detail about the current market later. Remember, this is the period that the meat of my arguement exists in.)

There, I think that does it. What do you think? Accurate, or way off base, let me know, and following soon will be the reason for this history lesson.

The Best Year For Movies... Ever?

Taking a break from all the complaining I've been doing about the comic book industry, I wanted to do something with a more positive outlook. That means taking a look at the movies of 2007, what I will confidently declare the best year for ever. This comes on the heals of two years which I thought had more quality movies released than I had seen in some time, so maybe we're seeing a cinematic renaissance like the late 1930s through the early '40s, and again in the 1970s. But for me 2007 trumps them all.

Now if you're rolling your eyes at this, let me explain something. Over 300 movies were released last year, like every other year for the past 70 years, and that's just theatrical releases. The direct-to-video market has created a new outlet for crap that should never have been shot (American Pie series, I'm looking at you!), but those aren't the movies I'm talking about. Neither are most of the movies released theatrically. But like every entertainment industry, the production companies understand that there are a lot of people in this world with widely varied interests and tastes. For the most part these companies do what they do to make money. Yes it frustrates me every time another Saw sequel or video game-based-movie is released, but if the profit from that movie allows the production company to green light a smaller art-house movie, then I just have to accept it. Circle of Life and all that.

So while you might think my statement is absurd, take a look at what I consider the best movies of the year. If you just bought a ticket to One Missed Call or are eagerly anticipating the new Rambo movie, well, we have different tastes, and it would be best that we don't recommend titles to one another.

Without further ado, here are my 20 favorite movies of 2007. (Twenty?! That's right, I could have done a Top Fifty, so be grateful I'm limiting it!)

20. Gone Baby Gone
Ben Affleck's directorial debut, based on a novel by Dennis Lehane, the author who also brought us Mystic River. It stars Casey Affleck as a private detective brought in by the family of a kidnapped girl when the police seem ineffectual. The story is dark, tense, and suspenseful, with a few surprising twists along the way. All of the actors involved give great performances, and Ben Affleck completely redeems himself for some of the trash he has made over the years.

19. Charlie Wilson's War
If you're a fan of Aaron Sorkin's sharp dialogue from his TV series like West Wing or Sports Night, how could you not want to hear it delivered by some of the finest actors in Hollywood? Tom Hanks stars as the titular character, a Texas congressman who makes it his mission to help the Afghan people overthrow the invading Soviets. Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Julia Roberts also star.

18. Stardust
Remember how much fun The Princess Bride was? Not that it had the best actors or production, or that the music or dialogue was so great. No, what made that movie special was the passion that went into it. No movie since has captured that same feeling, until Stardust. It's a fantasy by Neil Gaiman, about a young man who lives in a town bordering a secret magical realm that is forbidden to enter. But when he makes a promise to retrieve a fallen star, he embarks on the most fantastic of adventures. Really, it's just so much fun.

17. Death at a Funeral

A Frank Oz farcical comedy set at a funeral where whatever could possibly go wrong does. It doesn't have any big stars (unless you count Alan Tudyk or Peter Dinklage), and none of the jokes are very original, but the timing and reactions are so perfectly done that you can't help but laugh. Broad comedy done simplistically.

16. Into the Wild

After graduating from college, Chris McCandless abandoned his life to go to Alaska, the only place he knew of where you could be free and discover who you really are. As he makes his way across the country he does odd jobs and affects the numerous people he meets. It's a character study directed by Sean Penn, staring Emile Hirsh with a great company of supporting actors. Eddie Vedder wrote and performed songs for the movie. Beautiful and thought provoking.

15. In the Valley of Elah

Paul Haggis (Crash, Million Dollar Baby) wrote and directed this story of a father (Tommy Lee Jones, impressive as always) searching for the truth behind his son's disappearance after the son's return from Iraq. The first of many movies this year dealing with topics of the current war that were ignored completely by audiences. This film is powerful in its stark handling of issues many other writers would have pushed into melodrama.

14. Juno

A surly, fast-talking teen realizes she's pregnant, and decides to give the baby up for adoption. Moral hi-jinks ensue. Hey, if you like comic books you should see this movie! It stars Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page) and J. Jonah Jameson (J.K. Simmons) in roles they won't be embarrassed to put on their resumes. Funny, smart, and emotionally resonant. As superficially cliche as the movie starts out, by the end you earnestly care for the characters.

13. There Will Be Blood

If you like movies, you have to see this one if only to witness what is the best performance by an actor ever filmed. Daniel Day-Lewis has always been at the top of his craft, but this time out he is astonishing. There Will Be Blood is Paul Thomas Anderson's latest, and he continues his dissection of people who have trouble interacting with others. It's the story of an oil man in early 20th century California, and the greed and paranoia that drives him to succeed. Beautifully shot and the attention to period detail is fantastic.

12. The Kite Runner

Based on an award-winning book, this is the story of a childhood friendship in Afghanistan before the Soviet invasion. A tragedy forces the boys apart just before the invasion, and the more affluent family escapes to America. Years later, now a man, the main character receives word that his friend needs his help back in Afghanistan, now under control of the Taliban. Because of what happened in their youth, he is obligated to help. This synopsis sounds so plain for what is the most emotionally moving film of the year. The actors who portray the boys are astounding.

11. No Country for Old Men

After a couple of perceived misfires in the comedy genre, the Coen brothers return to their suspenseful, blood-soaked roots with devastatingly beautiful results. An adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's novel, it stars Josh Brolin, Tommy Lee Jones and Javier Bardem as three men chasing each other after a drug deal goes bad and a poor hunter stumbles upon the scene and takes off with a bag full of money. Brutal, quiet and somber, it defines the modern Western.

10. Ratatouille

Pixar's latest computer animation spectacle, proving yet again that they can take the most bizarre premise and turn it into a compelling story. This time out it's the tale of a country mouse who loves high-quality food, who, through a series of mishaps, finds himself in Paris at a four-star restaurant helping a boy pretend to be a cook. Whatever, it is brilliant, and you could never be more wrong if you've been dismissing Pixar's movies as kiddie fare.

9. Dan in Real Life

Steve Carell gives his most understated performance to date, and it turns out to be his funniest. He plays Dan, a widowed father of three girls. At their annual family reunion, Dan runs into a woman he immediately bonds with, only to discover she is his brother's new girlfriend. Sweet in its awkwardness and touching in its emotional honesty. Even Dane Cook is likable. To do that, this movie must be good.

8. The Orphanage

I'm not a fan of horror films as they are generally made: unstoppable killing machines, monsters destroying and devouring, torture simply for the sake it. But ghost stories, now that's something I can sink my teeth into, and The Orphanage is the best I've ever seen. It is presented by Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth, Hellboy), only because he so liked the movie he wanted to lend his name to it to get more butts in the seats. I hope it works. It's about a woman who grew up in- wait for it- an orphanage, gets adopted, and moves back years later with her family to reopen it. Turns out it's haunted. The movie is beautifully shot, and should be noted, is in Spanish. Don't let the subtitles turn you away, you're reading this, so why not put a little effort into a movie!

7. The Darjeeling Limited

Wes Anderson has always been one of those writer/directors you either love or hate, so it's difficult to push people to see his newest film. If you didn't like Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums or The Life Aquatic, forget this one. If you liked those, I would assume you already saw this. If you haven't seen any of them, how the hell have you read this far down? Anderson is the definition of dry, quirky humor, punctuated with emotional poignancy. This one's about three brothers bonding on a train ride in India.


6. Superbad

The teenage sex comedy to rule them all. Three high school seniors go on a quest for alcohol to bring to a party, and get involved in the wildest action along the way. While the comedic moments are pitch perfect, and the crude bits are wincingly

great, what really sets it apart is how real the friendships are, and the fear that comes with losing that when friends move apart.


5. Rocket Science

Another comedy about a teenager who doesn't fit in. Huh. Anyway, it's about a stutter, Hal, who joins the speech and debate team. What sets this one apart is how painful it is that Hal so desperately wants to be normal. It's not about the average kid wishing he could be one of the cool crowd, but a kid who can't even order his lunch just wanting to ask a girl out. Very reminiscent of Election.

4. Paris, je t'aime

Sixteen short films by sixteen different creative teams whose only common thread is that they are shot in Paris, and involve some aspect of love. Not all of the segments are great, but the ones that are show how much power film can generate in such a short time. In less then seven minutes, we are introduced to characters that often leave us with some emotional impact. Alexander Payne, the Coen brothers, Gus Van Sant, and Alfonso Cuaron lead the directors, and the ensemble actors include Steve Busceni, Natalie Portman, Bob Hoskins, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Nick Nolte and Elijah Wood. If your heart doesn't swell and break at least once during this movie, then you have no soul.

3. Once

A musical fairy tale set in the streets of Dublin. The lead characters are called quite simply in the credits 'Guy' and 'Girl', as in "Once upon a time, a boy and a girl fell in love...", and that sets the stage for how simple yet effective this movie is. It's about a musician who has lost the love of his life, then one day meets an Czech immigrant separated from her husband by war. Unable to consummate their growing love for each other because of the past loves they want to hold on to, all of it comes out in the music they write and record in a whirlwind week. The music is powerful in the way it tells a deeper story than what is allowed to happen to the characters.

2. Waitress

A romantic comedy with dramatic overtones, Waitress was written and directed by one of the supporting actresses in the movie, Adrienne Shelly. Sadly, she was killed before the movie was released. It stars Keri Russell as a waitress who unexpectedly gets pregnant, throwing her life into further turmoil. She doesn't want the baby, doesn't love her husband anymore, instead wishes she could leave him to go start a new life. The pregnancy puts a halt to that, but gives her a new love in the form of her doctor (Nathan Fillion). The movie is bitter, funny and sweet, with Andy Griffith giving a career-capping performance.

1. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

The best Western made since Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, it stars Brad Pitt as Jesse James and Casey Affleck as his misguided killer. The movie is pure poetry, with the most stunning cinematography, purposefully languid pacing, rich narration and soulful musical score by Nick Cave. The attention to period detail is astonishing. Andrew Dominik deserves the best director Oscar for assembling such a beautiful movie. The plot revolves around the relationship between James and Ford, who idolizes the gang leader but resents not being able to be him, as James falls deeper into a paranoia that everyone is out to get him. I cannot recommend this movie enough, though I know most people will hate it.

So there it is. If you have some favorites of the year, feel free to share. If you've seen any of these, I would love to hear your thoughts. And if you haven't seen these movies, well what are you waiting for? Half of them are still in theatres, and a few are already on DVD. Go. Watch. Enjoy.

I'm Not Always Proud of What I Do...

Which would you be more likely to read?or

A Follow Up

Robert again. Before I moved on to the next part of my assessment of the comic book industry, I wanted to acknowledge some of the comments made about the first one.

First, let me say thanks to you guys for some thought-filled comments. For me that's the entire point of sharing my opinions, to hopefully get some discussion started and find different perspectives that could help me understand the issue.

A major section of my next post will be about the way TPB/OGN effect the current industry and the potential for them in the future, so I won't duplicate things here, but I will offer one thought based on a comment by Seangreyson. It is glaringly obvious that most comics are being written with the secondary publication of a trade in mind. I think no title defines this better than Garth Ennis' The Punisher. Since it's run at MAX started, almost every story has been six chapters, the perfect length for a trade. Like it or not, you have to agree that a story's length shouldn't be dictated before it is even written. I haven't read The Punisher for some time now, because I was tired of reading stories that would have been rather entertaining if told in three or four issues, but were stretched out to six for no other reason than because it would fit a trade better.

Ross and the foreboding Anonymous raised the best questions, if only because they disagreed with me the most. I feel the need to address almost every point each of these guys made, so I hope they're still reading. And hey, whomever Anonymous actually is, if you make another comment, would you mind pointing out that you're the same guy as before? I'd appreciate it!

Both of these guys start off by telling me I'm wrong, but Ross amused me by quickly doing an about-face. Um, if things are slowly sinking, then isn't each year worse than the one before it? And, yes, nobody is forcing me to buy variants or cross-overs, but I'm not the faction of readers that's leading me to worry so much about the state of the industry. Heck, if things were charted according to my habits, I wouldn't be complaining, now would I? Unfortunately, speculators and "collectors" still exist in this market, and they are the most gullible and easily influenced.

Anonymous disagrees, but I work in a comic shop and I see it in on a weekly basis. Regular customers buying both versions of a 50/50 variant, or paying more to get the limited cover, or buying multiple copies of a number one or some other "important" issue. Since Marvel and DC started their current variant programs, guys we've never seen before come in asking for whichever retailer incentive variant shipped that week. When I tell them, "sorry, we only got two and they're gone, but here's a copy of the regular issue.", 100% of the time the response I receive is some variation of this: "I've already got that one, I want the one that's worth more. EVERY WEEK. Sorry, Anonymous, but speculators are alive and well. As Chris W. said, "The investment market is stone dead.", but these people won't know it until they inevitably try to resell their comics.

The point was made that currently comics offer more of a diversified base than they have in the past, so there are better titles now than ever before. I agree that there are better comics being made today than ever before, but I don't agree with the correlation that because of it the industry is better than it has been. Looking through the current Diamond Preview Guide for the product shipping in March, both Marvel and DC have over 80 individual titles scheduled to ship. Without even trying to find numbers from past decades, I know that that is more than before. And for every title you can point to as being great, I can show you two that have no business ever making it to print. If anyone can look through both companies listings and tell me that even 25 from each are worth reading, I will call you a liar. Heroes For Hire. New Warriors. Super Villains Team-Up: Modok's Eleven. Howard the Duck. Onslaught Reborn. The Incredible Hercules. Cable/Deadpool. Punisher War Journal. Ghost Rider. Black Panther. Don't think I'm ignoring DC, it's just that Ross focused on Marvel; DC makes as much garbage as Marvel, maybe more. Add to that companies like Dark Horse, Image, Dynamite, and IDW, if you think that having to sift your way through an average of nearly sixty titles shipping every week to find the half-dozen you'll enjoy, then we are simply operating on different wavelengths. Seriously, how daunting would this task be for anybody trying to get into comics for the first time?

Anonymous brought up manga, thinking perhaps I forgot about it. Nope. Let's just say I don't find manga pertinent to the topic at hand, which is the monthly periodicals of American comic book publishers. As far as I know, Antarctic Press is the only company producing American manga, and all of the others are reprinting Asian manga in trades. So if this assumption is correct, the popularity of manga TPBs only highlights the broken down system that is the publication of pamphlet-sized comics. And I don't get any manga titles, so it's difficult for to say anything about the medium. What I've dabbled in I found completely bizarre, and I'm perplexed by its popularity.

Well that's that. I hope I didn't come across as being upset with anyone, only expressing a difference of opinion. Tomorrow I should be posting again, so I look forward to seeing any new thoughts from you guys.

Tony Stark: Alcoholic? I Don't Think So...

I've known the gist of the seminal Iron Man story, "Demon in a Bottle," for decades, but hadn't actually read it until grabbing the trade paperback the other night. While I can see how the editorial decision to make Tony Stark admit to being an alcoholic and have an established hero admit a weakness could have a major impact, the fact is that Tony's alcoholism, which nearly thirty years later remains his primary character trait, is awkwardly forced and inconsistently portrayed in the story.

In fact, having read this story and taking into consideration Tony's current characterization in the Marvel Universe, I'm going to go out on a limb and say Tony isn't an alcoholic at all. He's just a guy who got a little overwhelmed with a situation that, frankly, was overwhelming and a busybody looking to erase her own guilty conscience convinced him he was an alcoholic.

The vast majority of "Demon in a Bottle," has nothing to do with Tony's drinking problem. Instead, little references are peppered into one or two frames per issue, such as when Tony is on a transoceanic flight in the opening.Yet, despite downing his fourth martini, much to the concern of the stewardess, he has no trouble springing to action when his plane is struck by a tank (don't ask) and is going to crash. The boozehound makes his way to the first class lavatory, puts on his armor, and saves hundreds of lives without showing the slightest ill effect.In fact, Tony goes on to spend an hour or so talking to a naval captain and his crew about problems they are having with Namor and an old hermit who lives on an island, then accompanying them to a battleground where he dukes it out with the Sub-Mariner and holds his own until out of nowhere his drinking causes a problem.Outside of that one moment, Iron Man has no trouble and eventually he and Namor come to find they are both being manipulated by the fake navy guys (who are really working for the Roxxon oil conglomerate), team up, and put everything right. Tony returns to New York, where new girlfriend-to-be Bethany Cabe argues with him and more alcohol references are inserted for no reason other than to be noticed later when readers go back and review issues leading up to Tony's alcoholic admission.The two go out on the town, where Bethany becomes concerned about Tony's out of control drinking.At this point, I can't help but think of the "7th Heaven" episode where a man (who's never been shown drinking any alcohol outside this episode) celebrating his anniversary orders a bottle of champagne and is chided by his wife who "can't understand why he has to have alcohol to have a good time" and is later called on the carpet for being within ten feet of a recovering alcoholic while champagne lingers his breath. The message is the same. Alcohol is evil and anyone who drinks it is out of control and must be reigned in by those who know better.

Again, however, as soon as a crisis arises, the drunkard Tony is fine and--in this case--able to hold his own against the Melter, Blizzard, and Whiplash, foiling their casino heist.The next day, Tony Stark spend the entire day drinking Irish coffees while trying to invent something brilliant to patent while warding off a hostile takeover of Stark Industries by SHIELD. When he needs a break from drowning himself in liquor, what else can he do but... ... save a soccer mom and a station wagon full of kids from being killed on the freeway.

Of course, Iron Man doesn't always have things under control, but ironically, given the theme of the story, he generally loses it while stone cold sober. Periodically, his armor malfunctions, most notably when he is posing for a photo with the Ambassador from Carnelia.All the malfunctions, including this fatal one, were caused by Justin Hammer, whose team of scientists figures out a way to control the armor remotely.

I strongly suspect this was an attempt by David Michelinie to draw a parallel between Tony losing control of the armor to Justin Hammer and losing control of his life to alcohol. The two are comparable if you overlook the fact they are absolutely nothing alike! Alcohol doesn't plot ways to destroy your life and manipulate you into publicly murdering fat foreign men to your shock and visible horror for it's own gain. In fact, alcohol doesn't have its own gain. If Tony thought Justin Hammer was a friend and shared his technology with him in spite of warnings from others that Hammer was untrustworthy and could lead to Tony's downfall, there might be a case, but as long as he operates from the shadows, it's a poor literary device at best.

So to recap, Iron Man is a murderer and may have jeopardized relations with a critical US ally in the Cold War, his armor is unsafe, his girlfriend (who doesn't know his secret identity) hates Iron Man, and SHIELD is trying to steal his company. I don't know anyone who would deny Mr. Stark a shot and a beer, but Tony takes it a little far.It's at this point Tony himself acknowledges he is drinking more than he used to, but quickly sets that thought aside to do what any barely functioning drunk would do after losing his superpowered armor...... take part in a several hours long hand-to-hand combat training exercise in which he holds his own against Captain America.

In case after case, the words tell us alcohol is bad and Tony has a drinking problem, but the actions contradict those words every time.

Tony's friends are worried about him.His new fuckbuddy is worried about him.Hell, even Justin Hammer's low-level henchmen have an opinion.But nothing bad ever happens until the day Tony transposes two digits in an address and he writes on a napkin, resulting in his and Bethany's simultaneously standing one another up for brunch one day.

Seriously.

She tells him to go to 914 and he goes to 419, so he decides to get rip-roaring drunk and take some bimbo back to Avengers Mansion and have some angry, "I just got stood up by some bitch who's been... well, a bitch to me pretty much ever since we slept together" sex. Unfortunately, Jarvis walks in and interrupts Tony's groove.And despite his insistence later that a man in his "station expects occasional stern treatment," he resigns. Pushing Tony over the edge and turning the Iron Man who could match Namor blow for blow on nothing but a stomach full of gin, vermouth, and olives into a soused idiot too stupid to open windows before flying through them and causing chlorine gas leaks that require evacuation of everyone within a five mile radius.Bethany comes to Tony and tells him the story of her husband, who was a pill popper. She left him and he accidentally drove his car off a bridge, leaving her to always wonder if he might be alive today had she not given up on him. She stays with Tony as he detoxes... which, considering Jarvis is still packing his things when they finish, might have taken all of twenty minutes. Tony apologizes, convinces Jarvis to stay, and swears off alcohol forever, even when faced with the fact SHIELD may have pulled off its takeover bid.

So, let's think about this.

Tony is a social drinker whose life is never adversely affected by his alcohol consumption. When he gets stressed out, maybe he drinks a little more, but never to the point that he's unable to function. However, when he starts dating someone who's seen the horrors of chemical addiction and blames herself for her ex-husband's death because she didn't help him overcome his demons, he is labeled a problem drinker by her. Slowly, she turns those closest to him to her way of thinking, and when things are going poorly for Tony, that support system of friends has been usurped. Eventually, Tony accepts what everyone expects of him regardless of his actions: that he's a boozer. Wasted and out of control, Bethany finally steps in to play the savior, convincing Tony that she's helping him overcome a problem she diagnosed him as having in the first place. Tony recovers without any complications and hasn't relapsed in 29 years, even when he went to war against his best friend, who was eventually killed as a result of Tony's actions. The only indications he's ever even tempted to drink are expository statements like "It's times like this... I'm so tempted to pick up that bottle, but I know what lies at the end of that path..." that ultimately are meaningless and don't really speak to the maddening obsession a true alcoholic would have.

In short, Tony Stark isn't an alcoholic. He merely plays one on the Avengers.

Lack of Originality?

It saddens me to see Robby so upset about the lack of creativity and originality in the comic industry. Certainly there is something to be said for the Big Two falling back on multiple titles for well established characters without much new to add, but there's a big beautiful world of comics... like those from Virgin.

I applaud Virgin's gutsy decision to make original comics that no one wants to read, whether they be India Authentic Garuda, which features the story of a birdman with a greaser haircut who delivers small jars in shut-in snake colonies...or some lame screenplay Nicolas Cage or John Woo couldn't get greenlighted by any studio--not even the ones that greenlighted Paycheck, Mission Impossible II, 8mm, Ghost Rider, The Wicker Man, or Snake Eyes--or getting a porn star to rip off Lady Death...
... you can't deny, Virgin is in deed a publisher of periodicals.

A Cold, Hard Look at the Current State of the Comic Industry

Or, a long, dry assessment of what I don't like.

To start things off, let me point out that this is Robert. I don't want any confusion like the last time I went off on a rant here. Don't blame Jake for any of the bile I'm about to spew, unless it's for giving me the keys to the blog in the first place.

Anyway, this all started with Jake and I talking about doing our best of 2007 lists and coming to the realization that it would be pretty much the same as it ever was. Y the Last Man, Fables, Walking Dead, Invincible, Ex Machina and the lot we've recommended before are still pretty much the best books going. What became clear, though, is that these titles are really the only comics I can stand anymore. Taking a closer look, it seems like everything old is new again, and that's a scary proposition when the last few years have looked eerily similar to the mid-90's.

Don't you see it? Let me explain. When was the last time the Punisher had two monthly titles? (Uh-huh.) When was the last time Marvel and DC took part in the variant cover fan-scam game? (Yep.) When was the last time we saw Onslaught, and the supposed death of Captain America? (You're getting it now!) When was the last time both Marvel and DC had such a casual disregard for the characters and their continuity that have driven the company for decades? (Bingo!) And do all of you remember what happened then that I fear might be happening again very soon?

That's right, the comic book industry collapsed, and there was a very real sense that it might never recover. Miraculously, it has survived for another decade, but unfortunately those who forget history (or remember it and are as equally greedy as those who came before them) are doomed to repeat it. And so, years from now, we could look back at 2007 as the year that killed comics.

So instead of a list of what I considered to be the best of 2007, I'm going to catalogue the items that vomited forth from the Pandora's Box Dan Didio and Joe Quesada have opened. (Wait, did I just lay the blame at the feet of two specific people? Huh. Let's see if I can back that up...)

Each companies franchise character's titles have ballooned to or past where they were in the '90s. The Punisher has two monthly books. Wolverine has two, soon to be three (!) monthly titles. The core X-Men have three, and the second tier keeps growing. There are three Avengers titles, along with individual titles for almost every member (heck, Hercules has his own now). Two each of Justice League, Justice Society, and Green Lantern, while Superman and Batman have shot back up to four apiece and a team-up title.

Spider-man, though, only has one, but soon it will ship three times a month. He use to have three, but Amazing Spider-man out-sold the other two by such a large margin, the powers-that-be thought that by cancelling the other two and simply putting three times as much Amazing Spider-man, sales would increase because they think fans are that stupid as to not see the Machiavellian nature of the device. Only time (and our wallets) will tell if they're right.

This explosion of titles might lead you to think that more people are buying comics again, but only a handful of tiles are selling over one hundred thousand copies. Most are selling in the 20-50,000 range. And they're all selling to the same people. With millions of people going to theatres to see movies about these very same characters, it is pathetic to think at best only a hundred thousand are following the comic book adventures. What makes this even worse is knowing that the companies themselves know this, and instead of figuring out how to better market their product to the world at large they seem content to wring every dollar they can out of the fans who are still here, bleeding them dry with redundancy. If the sheer number of titles isn't audacious enough there are the dozens of mini-series that clog the racks every week, and the newest marketing strategy the companies have utilized.

This past year saw the conclusion of Marvel's biggest event in years, Civil War, and the continuation of DC's mega-event that started with Infinite Crisis, continued with 52 and Countdown to Final Crisis, two year-long weekly shipping mini-series. Crossovers and company-wide events are nothing new, dating back to the early 1980s, but what set these events apart is how they have been told. It used to be that an event would take place in its own mini-series, with the story crossing into the regular titles the companies produced. Probably the biggest examples of this would be Marvel's Secret War and DC's Crisis on Infinite Earths.

The new dynamic has the event mini-series spawning other mini-series, so that the ongoing series (assuming they're selling well enough already) won't have to be bothered with acknowledging the event, thus muddying the prospect of the inevitable trades (but that's for a later discussion). Why are the companies doing this? Well, they finally realized that their audience has stagnated, but these readers are passionately gullible and will lap up whatever they're told to buy.

Does that seem too harsh? How else would you describe the way Marvel just marketed World War Hulk, and all of the Civil War spin-offs and fallout events that are still going on! Hell, the death of Captain America warranted its own mini-series of character's reactions instead of being dealt with in the context of those character's own ongoing series. To make sure fans know what comics to look for (in case you miss the glaring trade-dress across each cover), Marvel has started the practice of shipping postcards with checklists on the back free to retailers.

As bad as Marvel has been, DC is far worse. God forbid Countdown tell a self-contained story, it has to spawn eight (!) other mini-series to finish what it started. Why? Because why should DC be content with the sales of a 52-issue mini-series when they know enough of the fans reading it will fork over any amount of money they're told to to continue the story. What should be regarded as the biggest slap in the face of these fans is that very few of the core books even acknowledge that these events are happening! And really, why should they, since Countdown seems to be solely about using characters who haven't even been thought about for the last decade.

If things didn't seem bad enough, both companies have brought back variant covers for fans to chase after, and dream about how much they'll go up in value. Unfortunately a small number of speculators still lurk out there, and a good number of comic readers still consider themselves collectors and refer to their collections as "investments". That is the word that frightens me the most, and the one that could cause the greatest amount of damage to the industry when another percentage of collectors tries to cash in like they did in the mi-90's, only to realize they'd thrown away their money.

I think that's enough for this time. I'll be back later for two follow-ups (at least), focusing on the retailers perspective on the current situation and how factors other than the content of the stories have already influenced sales and could portend the way comics are created and distributed. Whew! I sure wish I had some zany Jimmy Olsen stuff to look at...

I'm So Excited I Could Just... um... whatever...

I just got this press release from Top Cow.

Witchblade Takeru Manga Concludes With Over-Sized Issue #12!

In February, Top Cow Productions will release Witchblade Takeru Manga #12, the stunning over-sized conclusion of the first joint manga production of its kind between GONZO and Top Cow. The series tells the tale of Witchblade bearer Takeru as she struggles to control the new found weapon while defending herself against demons and foreign governments that seek to control it.

I'm not sure whether to be excited that it's a double size issue or sad that it's coming to an end. I choose to be excited because I'm sure there will be another crappy manga that will sexualize 16-year-old girls soon.

... which implies they make mangas that don't sexualize 16 year olds girls.

... which brings to mind a poster hanging in the back room of our Phoenix store. (I'm pretty sure John, the guy who made the poster, didn't come up with it himself, so if there's someone to credit with the joke, let me know.)

Taking a Bazooka to Continuity

What the fuck, Bazooka? You have no respect for your loyal readers! My most recent purchase of your gum brought with it this abomination.Let's overlook for a second that this episode appears to be #89 of 50, a misprint that will prevent me from properly filing this cartoon until I complete the rest of the collection and determine its position by default. Instead, I ask if you considered for one second the impact this comic would have on Bazooka Joe continuity. Obviously not because even a monkey could see you have spit in the face of all future Bazooka Joe episodes!

For the next 90 years, you have locked both Joe and Mort out of any story arcs! I suppose in comic #40, when Joe explains to A.J. that he's bringing a ladder to class because he's going to "high" school--a delightful pun that can be enjoyed by all ages--I'm supposed to just pretend that didn't happen because I know Joe should still be standing before a featureless, blue wall with Mort contemplating when he will finally go on a date! Are we to assume the "high" school incident was some kind of prequel to this story? I think not! I think it's more plausible to assume your editor is incompetent!

Furthermore, how is it that in 90 years, Joe has grown a thick beard, but his and Mort's hair has not grown an inch. I will give your artist credit for drawing wrinkles on Mort's forehead and to recede his hairline, but there is no gray to the hair color and the length remains unchanged.

Most frustrating may be the suspension of disbelief you expect us to have. As an avid fan of comics, I'm willing to open my mind to some crazy ideas, such as the premise that a dairy farmer, a man well informed as to the bovine anatomy, would accessorize his cows with bells to compensate for their horns not working. However, these forays into the bizarre only work if they remain grounded in reality.

Herein, you ask us to accept that two boys stand perfectly still and silently for 90 years and don't die of malnutrition despite never eating nor drinking anything! Are we really supposed to believe Mort didn't think to prompt Joe for an answer until nine decades had passed? Mort? The same Mort who could barely wait for Joe's little sister to finish her sentence asking how he liked school before he snapped back, "Closed!"? Four minutes of Joe's silence would be deafening to Mort! Have you ever even read these comics?!?!?

Please issue a statement about this comic being a dream or a hoax or I will be forced to stop reading your fine gum-accompanying periodicals.

Sincerely,

Jake